Hi again everyone, sorry it's been a while. This is gonna be a heavy one, but I feel I need to open up about what's been going on with me, and especially what my next steps are looking like. I wish I had better news to share, but I figured I was overdue for an update to at least explain some recent developments.
I'll cut right to the chase; I've been trying to give myself room to heal and recover at a sensible pace, but things have been very difficult for me still and depression has kept me low. Your patience and continued support has let me get back on my feet without rushing too much, and I cannot overstate just how helpful it's been throughout this tough time. I've been making slow, gradual progress, but my mental state has proven complex and frustrating to deal with.
For the past two months or so, I've been moving out from living with my ex. It was bad enough to deal with the emotional weight of splitting up after 9 years together, but just as we were about to gear up and clear out, she also had some horrible news to contend with herself - her father suddenly got very ill, and he passed away earlier this week. I went to the funeral just this morning. While we were still living together I did my best to help her through this terrible time, and although we were mutually supportive of one another, you can imagine that what little I could do for her took its toll on me.
The move has since been progressing well enough despite how difficult it's been, and while there's a little further left to go before it's all done, I'm now living elsewhere. Distancing myself a little and with plenty of help and support I've been making a slow recovery, but it's still not been without its challenges and setbacks. Depression knocked me down hard, and reaching any sort of functional normal, even at a level comparable to when I wasn't at my best in the first place, has been really hard.
Despite all of that, the pressure to get back in the saddle with work has been mounting, and there's a few unfortunate issues that need addressing. Basically, working as a freelance artist doesn't seem to be working out for me. Maybe I didn't produce enough content to draw in an audience to the site, and didn't get enough commissions done to compensate and make this viable. Whatever the case, I've not been able to support myself very well for a while now, and it's caused some stress.
For this reason, I've been looking for a job to get myself financially stable again, and I will be pursuing art as a sideline instead of on a full-time basis.
It genuinely pains me to have to do this, but I've struggled to maintain my productivity at a sufficient level for a long time now and need to be realistic about my situation. I don't want to abandon my craft; I've been genuinely missing it lately and have every intention of picking things up again as soon as I possibly can. That having been said, I completely understand if you will reconsider your pledge to the site as a result of this change.
On that note, I've likely already found myself a part-time game design gig with the help of a local friend of mine. It shouldn't take up a huge amount of my time and gives me an opportunity to bolster my cashflow while working on something that's relevant to my interests. The goal is for me to regain some confidence without draining my energy too much, and allowing me to focus on my art, if a little less frequently, without as much concern about whether or not I'm making enough money from it.
I'm sorry if this is disappointing news, but I'm extremely grateful if you decide to stick around in spite of this development. I look forward to sharing some new art with you all really soon. Thanks again.