I needed to spend some time processing what the whole Patreon debacle did to me, personally, now that the dust has settled a little bit.

I've spent a couple of frantic days scrabbling for the best solutions I could suggest, posting them everywhere, and discussing them with folks trying to mitigate the harm Patreon inflicted on so many of our valued community members in one fell swoop. But now I need to disengage and let people handle it for themselves. They know where to reach me if I'm still needed.

I'm not sure what the optics will be of me making this blog post private, but frankly I don't want to seem like this is something most people ought to care too much about, especially right now. I'm writing for my own sake, and all of you who are subscribed to my site have shown an interest in seeing and supporting the things I create for myself, so it felt worth sharing with you especially since it's also relevant to this site's history.

I'll start from the basic facts; where it pretty much all started for me two days ago. I initially felt pretty badly put out by how many folks got hit by this. It was clear to me that my frequent warnings and having moved off the platform literally 4 whole years ago had fallen entirely on deaf ears. Some people revealed that they still hadn't even realized I had started my own website when they replied to my advice on what to do post-ban.

Furthermore, the transition process was especially agonizing (haha, trans analogies go brr), since I had to do it mostly without the help of any of my peers, and entirely thanks to a handful of close friends. They were really who came in clutch with figuring out how I'm gonna pull this whole thing off, but for a very long time since then it's felt like I've had to fight tooth and nail to slowly, gradually claw back my patronage.

Since so many people were hit so hard by this at the same time, suddenly the entire community was mobilizing to figure shit out together and follow their favourite artists wherever they may go.

Being completely honest with myself; the difference in the response still feels really alienating to me.

I did eventually come to my senses and figured it couldn't hurt to just post what I knew, if only for the sake of it. Frankly, at the very least I could sit with my own conscience knowing that I tried, even if it didn't really end up helping anybody. It felt too hypocritical of me to always talk a big game about practicing community solidarity, and then sit around moping cause I got ignored that one time. Plus, people were already dealing with enough without me being salty about it too - not that that mattered - but my chastising and complaints certainly weren't going to be useful to anybody right then and there.

Now, though?

Just last night, I celebrated my first day taking HRT (see, it was a relevant allusion), and it really served me well as a key moment; a milestone that got me to put my feet back on the ground and look back at how far I've come. Celebrating such an outwardly innocuous moment - taking a couple of pills - in such an overt and affirming way, made me consider how, despite having dropped everything to try and help out, I can just go back to my work two days after the hammer came down.

I was prepared for this fucking ages ago, and now I can spend my time feeling proud of what I achieved before anyone was even considering it, instead of running around with my head on fire.

I tend to feel like a bit of a renegade at times (I know that sounds melodramatic, just please let me have this right now) even within our rebellious and counterculture community, but that only makes me love and appreciate all the more this little niche I've carved out for myself, and especially all the debaucherous little critters I've attracted to my kinky-ass fuckin' powwow.

Today, the site is doing better than it ever has in its entire lifetime. I really want to take this moment to emphasize the fact that, despite all my frustrations with the community at large, you lot - every single one of you who can (but also might not) read this - are who made it all possible. It might not have been easy, but if not for your steadfast support and belief in me, I'd have given up long ago. I probably would've been watching this whole event unfold from even farther out on the periphery, having gotten completely squeezed out of the crowdfunding business before I had a second chance like everybody else.

Last month was the site's fourth Yeariversary. While I was too busy to acknowledge it directly, pumping out daily uploads of really good and fucking horny artwork that I'm very proud of is probably the best way I could think to celebrate it.

Thank you for joining in and stoking the flames so the party can keep on going. I owe y'all a lot, but for right now, I'm content to sit on my laurels for a bit and feel some pride in the fact that I can resume business as usual real soon. I saw this shit coming miles away and got the hell outta dodge, so now I get to reap the benefits for myself and relax a lot sooner than I otherwise would've been able to.

Hey, if you're relatively new to my site, I would like to invite you to join me in celebrating its history and check out some of the older content I've posted here cause there's quite a lot of it! Granted, most of it has been posted publicly by now, but it's at a higher quality and all in one neat and tidy place that's easy to browse. Enjoy!