This one happened to land in my lap after reading more of the book "The Creative Act" by Rick Rubin, and a concept mentioned in one of the chapters on self-doubt resonated perfectly with another that had crossed my mind when I saw these two, while browsing the tweegeemee bot's backlog.

In Buddhism, the concept of "Papancha," or "conceptual proliferation," can be summed up - rather inadequately, I should note - as a "preponderance of thoughts and feelings." I would urge you to read up about it if this art resonates at all; but considering how being full of such things almost at all times, to where regulating is so very hard for me, is pretty much my baseline, this felt worth expressing in this strange, collaborative medium I've found for myself.

The spark hit during one particularly, positively overwhelming moment while streaming, and I had to follow through on it.

This feels to me like a reprise from 07. Bathed in Shade, but I knew what it would look like the moment I saw the original generated image, and the vibe was different and striking enough to be worth its own spot.

The tab has been open ever since, and I had to follow up on it when the appropriate mood struck me; just today.

I've always felt like my art style is predominantly very flat, cartoonish, and not all that technically advanced at the face of it. I covet the work and skills of my peers that employ a more adept handling of textures, shading and forms than I feel I am capable of even if I tried to emulate them, but haven't had much success teaching myself over the years of passively developing my craft. It therefore feels somewhat ironically satisfying - and satisfyingly ironic - that the techniques I used to make this and 07. go so hard in the complete opposite direction in order to appropriately convey the intent behind them, and achieve it exactly as I'd intended.

After a brief exchange in a groupchat sparked the idea, I made a special little Bluesky account for some of my found family/polycule members to confess their sexual fantasies whenever they indulge them. You can find it here.

Because a blank profile is no place for such a vulnerable, intimate space, I quickly went about decorating it with an avatar and banner to go with it. It was a quick job but I'm really quite pleased with the results.

I saw a post recently about how we outgrow our emotional coping mechanisms, likening it to a thick sweater we put on to keep ourselves warm (safe) when we were otherwise cold (less so) - but later, if and when things are hopefully warmer and safer, the sweater becomes a burden.

That gave me pause and encouraged me to reflect on how I've been trying really hard to shed mine for many years now, but it's so interwoven with many various aspects and insecurities of mine that it often feels unproductive; often cyclical in nature.

Drawing this in stream got some rather intense responses from chat, so I decided that everyone deserved to see a happier ending to such an emotional piece.

I couldn't resist being a bit more of a menace, but it's okay; I still got my treat in the end.

Today's Arwyn's birthday, so I made some time after working all day on my upcoming con panel to make her a little something special. She's been working on her car a lot lately, and we both seem to enjoy me calling her my "Diesel Dyke," so the idea was an easy choice.

Vanta, one of my friend Spid's headmates and a voidhound, has a taste for rabbit. I have been told that I am particularly appealing to their palate even on top of that.

I've always found this to be strangely very flattering.

I've been sitting on this title for almost a year now. I had a different idea in mind for it, but it served my purposes just fine for this project instead.

I started out with this teaser pinup that stands on its own as a bit of visual storytelling, and it ran double duty as an ad for folks to know I was taking Easter commissions! The idea was that I was behind on my quota, and needed help - which wasn't entirely wrong!

We start with a handful of critters who wanted to be depicted bearing the eggs, but not laying them; Penny, Kenny, and Joe.

The Easter Council can make special arrangements for these folks wanting to contribute while maintaining certain levels of comfort, and just look at them glow. I'm especially fond of the expressions here.

Then we get into the option that the vast majority of folks went with; laying the eggs themselves.

I led the charge since I still needed to contribute some amount of them for my referrals to count for anything, but after that we have Melody, Charlene, Cyric, PlushWah, PlushWah again (how eager!), Derran, Vlue, James, Jake, Marlo, Jamie (before and after), Cobble, Snowy, Claire, and Holly!

Such helpful, productive egg-layers. I more than beat my quota for the holiday, so thank you for participating!

Some folks wanted to nominate my dear Sissy to help out too, which resulted in this bonus piece right at the end of the stream. Unfortunately we only got around to it past midnight, so the eggs won't actually be needed.

Oh well!

Consistency is hard, and Potential rather meaningless, when you don't even know what to expect from yourself.

I made these badges for my friends Plushie and Ran, in time for ScotiaCon '26; both plushie themed! Quite pleased with how the art turned out on them both.

I've been experimenting with a straightforward method of making badges that can be easily replicated, and simplifies the printing process. I tried it out already with the badges for myself and Fae, using a standard passport-ish size to fit in matching plastic lanyard envelopes, and I quite like it!

My only issue with these designs, much like with most other badges I've seen, is that the name's text is hard to make easily readable at a distance. I like the idea of being recognized from across the room at a con, and I find that the art in a badge doesn't convey enough of the character's identity from a far glance to be reliable enough for that.

Sometimes, all of the words in the world aren't enough to express feelings in a way that they deserve.

Regular programming will resume soon, with any luck. Until then, thank you all for your continued support.

It's now just a few days till I'm properly back home since I left at the beginning of December. It's been an amazing time.

Our life has truly grown far beyond what I could've hoped for just a few years ago, to the point where I now feel like my art - fantastical and idealised as it is - is what's lagging behind all that we've received, experienced, and learned lately. It's genuinely gotten hard to keep up, and calling ourselves "blessed" is an understatement.

Visiting, living, and being with people who have grown close to us, contributed to, and been a part of this fucking crazy journey we've been on since we've started transitioning has made me ever more and endlessly grateful for what we have. The experiences we shared together were and will always be precious to me.

While giving room for my anxieties about my privilege and good fortune, I must trust that none of those involved would want this to be transactional, and that their appreciation of the time we had together is mutual; still, I feel I owe a great deal now, more than ever.

Importantly, though, what I owe is more fundamental than reciprocating: it's to be as much myself as I can possibly muster.

The biggest issue, which is what I've grappled with the hardest while on this latest trip, has been my apparent fear and apprehension of doing just that. I've grown a lot more gregarious with expressing and acting true to myself in person than I've ever been before, but even so, I've struggled to follow through in a similar way with my art.

That may come as a bit of a surprise given the subjects I've been posting about lately (perhaps not so much given the relative infrequency and simplicity of the art - though that's the anxieties talking again), but it's true. I've been extremely inspired lately on a regular basis with all the life I've been getting to live, but any time I have the opportunity to put that to good use, and channel it into my craft, I recoil. Cower, even.

Sapphire Synonym has been on my mind almost constantly ever since I came up with the concept. But as I've been trying to push through and commit to what has essentially been a lifelong goal of mine, the reluctance and apprehension I've felt about it all have only grown stronger.

I'm scared of it, and I can't explain why; not because I don't know, but because there's so many different reasons that I'm aware of. It would take too long and get me nowhere, and even so, I am painfully aware that a lot of the fears are only perceived, and not real. My perfectionism, fear of failure, aversion to commitment, and impatience on top of all that..

None of it matters if I could just Make. Draw. Create. Write. Share. Do. It's the only fix.

I am aware of the irony of chastising myself for not creating due to being effectively mentally unwell, but the frustration feels justified. My inaction is only prolonging the vicious cycle I feel stuck in, as I continue punishing myself for wanting to be ambitious with the work I ostensibly love to do. The list of ideas grows, with none of the follow-through.

Several people have discussed these issues with me multiple times over this trip to try to help me, but it still feels like I'm no closer to budging on this deep-seated fear of committing fully to creating things the way I so badly want to. I have so much going for me, and I feel very strongly that that should be enough for me to thrive.

While it ought to be as simple as getting to it once I'm back home again, my past struggles with doing just that - after trips which were even more eventful and inspiring than this - make me worry and doubt myself rather severely. While visiting my girlfriend Arwyn, she showed me some of the physical rewards that I used to send out to my patrons way back when, and she'd kept since then. One of the enclosed letters, dated 2017, had me discussing my ongoing insecurities, and with how many issues I described similar to those in this post, it genuinely read as though I may as well have written it today.

I just want to be okay, and find it a little easier to put in the work I need in order to succeed - not materially (although that would be a nice bonus), but at making the things I have the ambition for. I've done it before, and it's the entire reason why I'm on the path that I am today; but I feel like something is wrong, it has been for a while, and I'd very much like for it not to be any more.

Thank you for reading.

My Sissy is moving! This was not planned!

She and our good friends Tower and Ziggy are having to house-hunt and get a lot sorted out in a very short amount of time, and could use the help with the costs of securing a new home.

They have a GoFundMe running here right now - any contributions and shares would be greatly appreciated!