Today's Arwyn's birthday, so I made some time after working all day on my upcoming con panel to make her a little something special. She's been working on her car a lot lately, and we both seem to enjoy me calling her my "Diesel Dyke," so the idea was an easy choice.

Vanta, one of my friend Spid's headmates and a voidhound, has a taste for rabbit. I have been told that I am particularly appealing to their palate even on top of that.

I've always found this to be strangely very flattering.

Sometimes, all of the words in the world aren't enough to express feelings in a way that they deserve.

Regular programming will resume soon, with any luck. Until then, thank you all for your continued support.

It's now just a few days till I'm properly back home since I left at the beginning of December. It's been an amazing time.

Our life has truly grown far beyond what I could've hoped for just a few years ago, to the point where I now feel like my art - fantastical and idealised as it is - is what's lagging behind all that we've received, experienced, and learned lately. It's genuinely gotten hard to keep up, and calling ourselves "blessed" is an understatement.

Visiting, living, and being with people who have grown close to us, contributed to, and been a part of this fucking crazy journey we've been on since we've started transitioning has made me ever more and endlessly grateful for what we have. The experiences we shared together were and will always be precious to me.

While giving room for my anxieties about my privilege and good fortune, I must trust that none of those involved would want this to be transactional, and that their appreciation of the time we had together is mutual; still, I feel I owe a great deal now, more than ever.

Importantly, though, what I owe is more fundamental than reciprocating: it's to be as much myself as I can possibly muster.

The biggest issue, which is what I've grappled with the hardest while on this latest trip, has been my apparent fear and apprehension of doing just that. I've grown a lot more gregarious with expressing and acting true to myself in person than I've ever been before, but even so, I've struggled to follow through in a similar way with my art.

That may come as a bit of a surprise given the subjects I've been posting about lately (perhaps not so much given the relative infrequency and simplicity of the art - though that's the anxieties talking again), but it's true. I've been extremely inspired lately on a regular basis with all the life I've been getting to live, but any time I have the opportunity to put that to good use, and channel it into my craft, I recoil. Cower, even.

Sapphire Synonym has been on my mind almost constantly ever since I came up with the concept. But as I've been trying to push through and commit to what has essentially been a lifelong goal of mine, the reluctance and apprehension I've felt about it all have only grown stronger.

I'm scared of it, and I can't explain why; not because I don't know, but because there's so many different reasons that I'm aware of. It would take too long and get me nowhere, and even so, I am painfully aware that a lot of the fears are only perceived, and not real. My perfectionism, fear of failure, aversion to commitment, and impatience on top of all that..

None of it matters if I could just Make. Draw. Create. Write. Share. Do. It's the only fix.

I am aware of the irony of chastising myself for not creating due to being effectively mentally unwell, but the frustration feels justified. My inaction is only prolonging the vicious cycle I feel stuck in, as I continue punishing myself for wanting to be ambitious with the work I ostensibly love to do. The list of ideas grows, with none of the follow-through.

Several people have discussed these issues with me multiple times over this trip to try to help me, but it still feels like I'm no closer to budging on this deep-seated fear of committing fully to creating things the way I so badly want to. I have so much going for me, and I feel very strongly that that should be enough for me to thrive.

While it ought to be as simple as getting to it once I'm back home again, my past struggles with doing just that - after trips which were even more eventful and inspiring than this - make me worry and doubt myself rather severely. While visiting my girlfriend Arwyn, she showed me some of the physical rewards that I used to send out to my patrons way back when, and she'd kept since then. One of the enclosed letters, dated 2017, had me discussing my ongoing insecurities, and with how many issues I described similar to those in this post, it genuinely read as though I may as well have written it today.

I just want to be okay, and find it a little easier to put in the work I need in order to succeed - not materially (although that would be a nice bonus), but at making the things I have the ambition for. I've done it before, and it's the entire reason why I'm on the path that I am today; but I feel like something is wrong, it has been for a while, and I'd very much like for it not to be any more.

Thank you for reading.

My Sissy is moving! This was not planned!

She and our good friends Tower and Ziggy are having to house-hunt and get a lot sorted out in a very short amount of time, and could use the help with the costs of securing a new home.

They have a GoFundMe running here right now - any contributions and shares would be greatly appreciated!

Some things happened between me and my sister ((transgender)) Never, and while there's some more context behind this interaction than shown, I feel like it speaks enough for itself that it's complete as it is.

Here's an assortment of doodles for the latter half of 2025!

First up, a little selection of sillies of myself (Rayna, to be exact) and some friends.

I love the Jaymie Curtis drinking angrily imageset and it was high time I made a version of it for myself. Might colour them in to convert into stickers sometime.

Next, some stuff for social media.

A rather indulgent bit of art of one of Ashtrayguts' cute critters, a quick and easy diaper colouring guide, and a depiction of a fun interaction I had with Flimsyrivers on Bsky.

Last but not least; lots of Melodies!

First, puppies Melody. One asking for pets, the other asking for treats.

Next, bunnies Melody. I helped her redesign her bunnysona, after which I made several little gifties for her.

So, when I made "Buzzy Bunny" for Quicktober, I literally forgot that I'd already made the sketch for this one..

I polished it up with a splash of colour on stream after I realized this, and people watching felt the strange sense of deja vu since I'd also worked on the Quicktober version of it on stream.

Needless to say, I was in a bit of a mood at the start of the month..

I'm currently flying back home from a stay in the States to attend BFC. It was wonderful, and I'm excited to be back home where I can put my newfound energy to good use and make all sorts of new and fun things for y'all.

During the internal flight back from the con to my little sweetheart Fae, where I was staying for a while, my playlist landed on the song "Mother, I'm Here," which resonated with me powerfully (and is essential to the enjoyment of this piece), to the point of tears. It inspired an idea, as music is wont to do, but I didn't have the time or energy to tackle it at the time.

On the transatlantic flight to my layover in Amsterdam - which is where I'm preparing this post - the song came up again, and I was not about to let inspiration pass me by a second time. Luckily, I had my new sketching kit with me, and an empty seat beside me, so I set myself up to draw.

I hastily scrawled the lyrics down, fruitlessly attempting to choke back my tears again, and split the song up into pictures to go with each stanza.

My dearest Mommy Garnet was certainly at the forefront of my mind when I first heard the song, given the pointed lyrics and the fact that I have a room set aside for me to stay in at hers, but there are so many people in my life now who are eager to welcome me "back home," despite how far away or long I've gone. This is why I changed "Mother" to "Lover" in the sequence, as she is also very much that to me, too.

This gift I now have is, in no uncertain terms, something that I have sought out for my entire life, and as hard as it is to say goodbye each time I leave one home to return to another, the fact that I can do this at all is something that I cherish and value in ways that words cannot do justice.

And that is why I spent a couple of hours on my flight home feverishly drawing this, and uncontrollably crying nearly the entire time.

I took the photos on the plane to add the sense of immediacy and context of travel to the final piece, almost as if it were a performance in itself. However, this did make the sketches a little harder to read, so here are some clearer shots of each page to try and help with legibility.

While digging up old source files for designs on my Merch store, I stumbled upon some old silliness I made for me and Arwyn.

The first pair of images were from back when I first created Ruby, inspired by how Arwyn changed tone when behaving normally around me, or discussing my insecurities about being femme and transgender. She and a few other friends of mine at the time were intensely protective of the soft pink bunny.

The second is fairly self explanatory, but for added context, it's a drawover of a scene in Sailor Moon. I made it for a print as a gift for her back in CFz 2018, which still lives on the side of her PC case to this day.

I first sketched this out right at the start of taking HRT, depicting a rather surprising experience I had while masturbating. I only got around to polishing it up (ha) much later on, and for a while after that I'd literally misplaced the file until just last week.

I think it's worth noting that, somewhat predictably, that was pretty much the last load of that size that I've ever produced..

It's that time again! Got a lot of cute and silly things I've made in between other projects or as warmups during streams.

In the first, quite eclectic set, we have an assortment of Bluesky shenanigans. In order, we have a colouring project from one of Lynn's bunny designs, which I got inspired to use for a Gotye reference; Plushie telling us what her gender is in one word; and me taking an opportunity to do a well-overdue drawover of a classic furry meme.

These were assorted doodles done during various streams for or involving, in order, Mot, Arwyn, Songbot, and a friend of Melody's.

And some bonus bunnies, as a reward for checking out my post. I found this set of sketches while digging up designs for my merch store, and hadn't uploaded anywhere.