Hi friends and supporters.

First of all, I'd like to put out feelers to test a new idea: Yearly Subscriptions! Quick and easy rundown: pay upfront for a year's subscription at the tier you'd like, and get a discount off of it. I've not put any time into sussing out exact numbers, but if you're at all interested, either leave a comment below or contact me via my socials.

At the same time, I wanted to get a quick word out that I have and will be readjusting the tier rewards on my site to better reflect what I can - and have been able to - actually offer in return for your patronage.

The biggest changes to note are that I've dialled back commission discount rates (from 0%, 5%, 12%, 20% to 0%, 3%, 7%, 15%), effective from when I next reopen my queue, and will be giving early access to finished commission work to Tier 2+ patrons, rather than all patrons.

Another rework that'll be made in due time will be to the "YCH slot" reward since my commission queue has already been a struggle to maintain (and which I am working on fixing), but I'm hoping to shift focus off of art made to order, and onto ongoing work that more people can enjoy.

As I gear up towards doing regular, long-form story oriented and comic work again, I similarly intend to offer early access of some kind to it to Tier 2+ patrons. This may change, but the lists of rewards should already reflect this for the sake of clarity.

I know the exclusion of the base tier may disappoint people, but I've had to look very seriously at how sustainable my workflow is, and being entirely blunt, it isn't. As much as I'd love to share my work without such caveats, I need to work within the system and make it worthwhile for me if it's ever going to happen.

Thank you for understanding.

This is a journal; This is a confession; This is exasperation; This is desperation; This is a cry for help; This is catharsis; This is therapy; This is praxis.

Is this melodramatic? It probably is, but I don't care.

Whatever it is, I'm simply fed up with the state of things surrounding my art: the world around me, the community it's a part of, my work ethic, headspace, disabilities, and mental illness. I decided to make something about it on the off chance that saying the things inside my head out loud might help to dislodge something that's been severely jamming up the works.

I'm sorry that I'm like this, and I'd prefer it if I wasn't; but I likewise wish things could have been better for me and my art in a thousand little ways that have all added up over the years of me doing this.

Consider this a plea for anyone who can help in any way, to do so - while acknowledging at the same time that I am part of "anyone," and that I've been trying my hardest to do so, too. I need reliable, consistent work, I need patrons, and I need reassurance that people will care about the things I truly want to make so that I'll be okay.

I obviously understand very well that I am ultimately the one most responsible for myself, and while acknowledging my own limits, I want to do better. Ideally, the best that I can.

I just need more help, because ultimately; I'm still only one bun.

It's now just a few days till I'm properly back home since I left at the beginning of December. It's been an amazing time.

Our life has truly grown far beyond what I could've hoped for just a few years ago, to the point where I now feel like my art - fantastical and idealised as it is - is what's lagging behind all that we've received, experienced, and learned lately. It's genuinely gotten hard to keep up, and calling ourselves "blessed" is an understatement.

Visiting, living, and being with people who have grown close to us, contributed to, and been a part of this fucking crazy journey we've been on since we've started transitioning has made me ever more and endlessly grateful for what we have. The experiences we shared together were and will always be precious to me.

While giving room for my anxieties about my privilege and good fortune, I must trust that none of those involved would want this to be transactional, and that their appreciation of the time we had together is mutual; still, I feel I owe a great deal now, more than ever.

Importantly, though, what I owe is more fundamental than reciprocating: it's to be as much myself as I can possibly muster.

The biggest issue, which is what I've grappled with the hardest while on this latest trip, has been my apparent fear and apprehension of doing just that. I've grown a lot more gregarious with expressing and acting true to myself in person than I've ever been before, but even so, I've struggled to follow through in a similar way with my art.

That may come as a bit of a surprise given the subjects I've been posting about lately (perhaps not so much given the relative infrequency and simplicity of the art - though that's the anxieties talking again), but it's true. I've been extremely inspired lately on a regular basis with all the life I've been getting to live, but any time I have the opportunity to put that to good use, and channel it into my craft, I recoil. Cower, even.

Sapphire Synonym has been on my mind almost constantly ever since I came up with the concept. But as I've been trying to push through and commit to what has essentially been a lifelong goal of mine, the reluctance and apprehension I've felt about it all have only grown stronger.

I'm scared of it, and I can't explain why; not because I don't know, but because there's so many different reasons that I'm aware of. It would take too long and get me nowhere, and even so, I am painfully aware that a lot of the fears are only perceived, and not real. My perfectionism, fear of failure, aversion to commitment, and impatience on top of all that..

None of it matters if I could just Make. Draw. Create. Write. Share. Do. It's the only fix.

I am aware of the irony of chastising myself for not creating due to being effectively mentally unwell, but the frustration feels justified. My inaction is only prolonging the vicious cycle I feel stuck in, as I continue punishing myself for wanting to be ambitious with the work I ostensibly love to do. The list of ideas grows, with none of the follow-through.

Several people have discussed these issues with me multiple times over this trip to try to help me, but it still feels like I'm no closer to budging on this deep-seated fear of committing fully to creating things the way I so badly want to. I have so much going for me, and I feel very strongly that that should be enough for me to thrive.

While it ought to be as simple as getting to it once I'm back home again, my past struggles with doing just that - after trips which were even more eventful and inspiring than this - make me worry and doubt myself rather severely. While visiting my girlfriend Arwyn, she showed me some of the physical rewards that I used to send out to my patrons way back when, and she'd kept since then. One of the enclosed letters, dated 2017, had me discussing my ongoing insecurities, and with how many issues I described similar to those in this post, it genuinely read as though I may as well have written it today.

I just want to be okay, and find it a little easier to put in the work I need in order to succeed - not materially (although that would be a nice bonus), but at making the things I have the ambition for. I've done it before, and it's the entire reason why I'm on the path that I am today; but I feel like something is wrong, it has been for a while, and I'd very much like for it not to be any more.

Thank you for reading.

Hi all, thank you for another frankly amazing year full of crazy adventures.

It hit the ground running, following closely from my puppy trip to Germany, and went from strength to strength. It was when I started really exploring my plural and more adventurous sides again that things have really hit its stride; given how things have progressed, I'm very grateful for it.

This has led to where I feel full of ideas I absolutely need to get down on paper, while still struggling to work past personal hangups in order to execute. I'm really excited and hopeful for it, but likewise apprehensive because the pressure on myself to do a good job of it is tremendous.

Your continued support lets me take the time I need in order to commit and do the work in order to achieve my goals. I'm determined to do just that, and share that success with you.

It feels like it's been a long time coming, and I'm eager to see where it'll lead.

Merry Christmas everybody.

I posted this on Bsky earlier today, but it felt impassioned and significant enough to me to post it here, too.

I'm okay, and this isn't me giving up; quite the contrary. I'm just so very tired of such a pervasive issue having hamstrung me so thoroughly for years now, while doing nothing to facilitate me at any step of the way. It hasn't challenged me to improve my work. It's only ever been a problem - nothing but a hindrance to me.

For months now I've grappled hard with the notion of "making my business work," just so that I can survive and not end up destitute for the heinous crime against Capitalism of wanting to do what makes me happy.

Some who I've spoken to about it, well intentioned as they are, talk about "figuring out what pays," but -

I simply don't fucking want to any more.

I know that I ultimately have to if I want to function in such a garbage, back-asswards system we've been born into, but the rage and frustration I feel every fucking day that numbers get in the way of my lines has me feeling so fucking fed up. It is the way it is, but it sure as fucking hell shouldn't be, and I've had enough of acting like it.

This video encapsulates that feeling really well, and is what inspired me to write this out.

I don't want to care about how many likes I get any more.

I don't want to be beholden to a platform that lets my hard work sink the second people stop sharing it.

I don't want to work downstream to the success of my own fans.

I don't want to worry about the whims of an audience who might not even be for me.

I never did.

I just want to make what comes from my heart.

From the video: ".. the moment the business mind becomes the driver, the art turns into content. And content doesn't change lives.

"It just fills timelines."

Poetry.

I'm running an art fundraiser to help stabilize my finances - and the art I'll be making for it was decided by you!

I held a survey about what kinks that folks most associate with me and my art, and I used the most popular aspects to create three different donation reward streams - so you can donate for any or all of the parts you want to see more of!

When you donate, you may include codes in the comment field for the parts you want to assign your money to! The distribution of donations across the various parts will affect the outcome of each illustration; for example: "A," "B2 & C1."

Here's the three donation tracks, with their codes:

A: Ruby - Regression (A1), Diapers (A2) + Wholesome
B: Rayna - Feminization/Sissification (B1), Incontinence (B2) + Reality Alteration
C: Antoinette - Mind Control (C1), Transformation (C2) + Plushies & Toys

For the first stage, the goal is 50 and 100 on the announcement Bsky tweet. Go give it a boost; it's free!

The first stage has been met, and the first illustrations are underway! Stay tuned for updates here and on all my galleries for more.

You can now find the first set of illustrations here!

This project idea crystallized in my mind the weekend I got back from the States, thanks to many disparate plot threads coming together with me running into more problems, not even a week into me returning from another intense and emotional adventure.

Once again, a change in policy on a platform we thought was safe, or different in any way (a naive assumption, one might say, but on the flipside; always assuming you're in danger is just as unhealthy) led me to pass up some well-needed rest - which I'd actually scheduled time for - in favor of running more sessions of my panel to spread the word about how to stay safe and maintain a presence online.

I was fed up. Exhausted. Done with feeling like I had to waste my time and energy playing whack-a-mole with their stupid garbage almost every goddamn day.

I started working on this alongside the extra prepwork I needed for the bonus panel sessions I ran online, and a week of frankly frantic effort later, I made this.

For those not in the know, the two bunnies prominently featured are Praline and Chili respectively, two of my median facets.

Before losing you to the comic and further backstory after the jump, I want to mention that I've also made the closing panels into merch designs that you can buy, and support my work in the process. Thank you for your consideration.

This came about because while I was away, and visiting part of the "extended found family" overseas, I was invited to make a piece of graffiti to add to their bathroom wall. Taking this altogether too seriously, I sketched out a design to later apply to the communal canvas.

This was just days after having had to just about completely erase what makes me who I am for the purposes of sanitizing myself at border control, so then ending up with such a wonderfully welcoming and affirming space had me feeling at the very least rather litigious and confrontational with the "authorities" who would gladly stifle us if they could.

I wanted whoever was visiting that space to know; if they're there, they're likely with people who they love and care about - and that they should fight for their joy, because giving that up would be giving villains what they want.

Fast forward to when I was grappling with Bsky's latest sorry excuse of a policy update two weekends ago, and this comic was the result.

‎

Grab your very own Golden Ticket to the Candy Shop - it's easy!

You can win a free membership (or an extension!) to my site by participating in this fun, simple little contest.

This contest ended with 12 entries and 5 winners; Swavii, Kaycee, Clover, Kitsyna, and Celine! Thank you for participating.

Here's how to join:

1. Browse or search my site's gallery to find a Free post that you like - it doesn't have to be your favourite!
2. Think of one to three things you like the most about that post - get creative with it, but don't go too long!
3. Follow me, and reply to one of the contest posts on Bluesky, FurAffinity, or Inkbunny, including a link to your chosen post from this site, and the reasons why you like it;
4. That's it!

There will be four winners in this contest:

Three entries will be chosen at random, and receive a month of Tier 2 membership - or a month's extension to their existing subscription;

While I will choose my favourite entry to receive three months of Tier 2 membership - or three months free membership added to their existing subscription! (Tier 1 members will be upgraded to Tier 2 for that time)

You can double up on the chances to win the raffle by submitting your entry on Bluesky and retweeting my post! Note that you still need to submit an entry and follow the rules to qualify for the bonus chance.

Contest ends on the 10th of October, end of day PDT, with the winners announced soon after that.

Rules for entry:

1. You must be 18 years or older in order to be eligible for entry.
2. Limit one contest entry per person across all platforms.
3. Limit 200 words per entry - I gotta get through all of them somehow!
4. Entry must be of a Free site post (check the categories at the top of the post's page).
5. Accounts submitting an entry must have been created prior to the start of this contest.
6. You must be following me on the corresponding site of your entry at the time of the drawing.
7. You must create an account on this site to claim a prize.
8. Unpaid memberships do not include commission discounts.

I'm currently flying back home from a stay in the States to attend BFC. It was wonderful, and I'm excited to be back home where I can put my newfound energy to good use and make all sorts of new and fun things for y'all.

During the internal flight back from the con to my little sweetheart Fae, where I was staying for a while, my playlist landed on the song "Mother, I'm Here," which resonated with me powerfully (and is essential to the enjoyment of this piece), to the point of tears. It inspired an idea, as music is wont to do, but I didn't have the time or energy to tackle it at the time.

On the transatlantic flight to my layover in Amsterdam - which is where I'm preparing this post - the song came up again, and I was not about to let inspiration pass me by a second time. Luckily, I had my new sketching kit with me, and an empty seat beside me, so I set myself up to draw.

I hastily scrawled the lyrics down, fruitlessly attempting to choke back my tears again, and split the song up into pictures to go with each stanza.

My dearest Mommy Garnet was certainly at the forefront of my mind when I first heard the song, given the pointed lyrics and the fact that I have a room set aside for me to stay in at hers, but there are so many people in my life now who are eager to welcome me "back home," despite how far away or long I've gone. This is why I changed "Mother" to "Lover" in the sequence, as she is also very much that to me, too.

This gift I now have is, in no uncertain terms, something that I have sought out for my entire life, and as hard as it is to say goodbye each time I leave one home to return to another, the fact that I can do this at all is something that I cherish and value in ways that words cannot do justice.

And that is why I spent a couple of hours on my flight home feverishly drawing this, and uncontrollably crying nearly the entire time.

I took the photos on the plane to add the sense of immediacy and context of travel to the final piece, almost as if it were a performance in itself. However, this did make the sketches a little harder to read, so here are some clearer shots of each page to try and help with legibility.

Just when I thought I was in the clear, done with finding parts of myself that were integral to my being, I get pulled right back in - with shiny, tangled, golden ribbons, tied tightly around every limb.

Before I set out on my long stay at Garnet's, and all of the stuff happened including what made Rayna come about, I had a runin with DollParts, someone who has already featured on this site once before. It's almost as if you get foreshadowing baked into these posts, you just gotta know where to look for it. I certainly don't.

I felt a strong pull towards the idea of dollification after she and Cinna put on a show of it back when, and I wanted to find a way to indulge while still giving me a sense of being that little bit different - that little bit special. Given that I'd only gotten acquainted with Doll, neither did I want to ask for too much, nor suggest any sort of dynamic.

What I came up with instead was to ask her to give me ribbons, which would still act as good as strings, but stand out even in a lineup of other puppets, had they to be used. She rather expertly put me through a very pleasant induction over text, which I'd never had done to me before, and that was kind of it for several months. They came up in play from time to time, but acting more like a convenient leash, when I wasn't wearing one, than anything especially doll-coded.

I'd even made a tentative tattoo design, incorporating things I found especially integral to my sexual identity at the time.

The Egg for my oviposition and easter-related proclivities; the Omega symbol for my position in Garnet's polycule, which I found myself immediately taking to and feeling immensely comfortable in; and the Ribbon for its significance to me up to that point. The reason I chose ribbons, especially of that golden colour, is that they're part of my favourite heart emoji , which I use to express gratitude and a sense of positivity and healing. Given that not much had come of that thread (ha) though, I didn't pursue it further.

That was, of course, until I visited my good friend Spid at the end of my stay in the UK.

They were one of those included and involved in the show that Doll put on, so she (and importantly, her headmates) understood very well what made a doll, a puppet, tick. Samuel, one of her more dominant alters, had his eyes on me for most of my stay. The night he got his talons on me was fateful.

He pulled my ribbons and plucked my strings, getting me so completely underfoot that had he not taken my permission to speak, I would've likely begged for more.

By the third time he allowed me to speak again, I'd made my mind up, and I was desperate; the first words right out of my mouth were clear and concise:

"Please make me a marionette, sir."

Not a doll, nor a puppet, but also both and somewhere in between. "Marionette" felt the most "right" to my mind, in its addled, obedient state, and while all are true, marionette is the one I now truly answer to.

Perfect, pink, porcelain skin, and rose gold skeleton. A modular body; able to stand free, but easily manipulated, or even modified, to the heart's content of those playing with it. Completely subject to one's whims, and possibly abuse, but still so precious and deserving of coveting and care.

It was a thrill to explore these feelings while on stream the week I got back home - the extent to which it offered a counter-balance to Rayna's agency and stronger presence was certainly not lost on me. I wondered if I was experiencing the recoil from the vixen's discovery, but given how the loose threads (or ribbons) had been there from well before, I feel confident that this is just as important an aspect of myself as what Rayna brings to the table.

While I was revelling in how good it felt to acknowledge it, the marionette even had its name found by my dear Sister Never: Antoinette. "Antoinette the marionette" has a lovely ring to it, and while I can't divulge the exact reasons why it was found or where it's from, it struck me how that name had basically been there all along, staring me in the face. Much like the piercing gaze of a doll.

Antoinette's presence has brought with it plenty of other considerations, but along with them a sense of completeness to my system as I've explored it thus far. I mentioned in Rayna's intro post that there's more for me to say about that, but for now I'll leave the rest for later uploads and art that are yet to be made.

Yup! I figured that my best bet for getting the word out and meeting people would be to use my own platform to blast it out there, cause despite talking about it a fair bit on Bluesky, social media is at best an unreliable tool for spreading important news.

I'll also be hosting a panel about maintaining an online presence, which has admittedly grown increasingly more difficult in this day and age.

I hope to see some of you at the event, so let me know if you'll be there!

(Disregard the note at the bottom there, I've been preparing for an upcoming project with some data collection on socials. If you missed out, you should follow me there!)

Ages ago, while I was compiling a batch of uploads for the site, I wrote the title of a post that, to my mind, read with the same cadence and rhythm as a Tamarian allegory. I wouldn't consider myself a Trekkie, even though I have admiration for the series (Lower Decks is the best, RIP Lower Decks), but it's one of the few bits of lore I've been exposed to and that I found especially fascinating.

"Kiburi, Under Her Whims" activated my neurons and got me thinking; could I make my own Tamarian allegories? That might be a fun exercise, and I'd love to see if y'all could come up with any yourselves - even from your own or other people's art.

Here's a few examples I cooked up myself:

• "Kiburi, Under Her Whims," Completely lost to and absolutely smitten under someone else's influence. (To be fair, I think there's a few of these in my portfolio. )
• "Chocolate, Drowned in Colour," Overwhelmed by ideas and opportunity to create, to the point of paralysis and discomfort.
• "Ruby, With Eggs Abound," Being thrust into a new and intensely pleasurable situation, possibly without your prior knowledge or intent.
• "Soul, its subjects at ease," Being so completely in control of a situation, with perfect trust and confidence backing you up.
• "Never, On the Changing Table," Getting one's comeuppance.

I know this probably is the equivalent of trying to force a meme, but I just thought it was interesting enough to do something with, and share it for a giggle. x3