The past many months, things have very much Not Let Up for ya girl, and I've been feeling it big time.

For most of this year I've been gearing up to tackle bigger, more exciting projects and finally, properly kickstart this whole endeavour of mine that's kinda been puttering along at a leisurely pace. Unfortunately, what this has mostly achieved was getting me to draw less, while making me more anxious about it because I was falling behind.

I can't and won't get into specifics, but it's genuinely felt like there's been A Crisis or An Event of some form for me to be worrying about, anticipating, or planning ahead of in my life for the past year or so. Were it not for the people close to me, and the amount of support I benefit from every single day, I would not be here writing this post right now.

I don't mean to engage in hyperbole; this is simply the best way to make the point that I have a lot going for me, and yet I still feel like I'm constantly treading water.

I'm genuinely so fucking scared.

There's a lot of reasons why, but I'll speak about just one in the interests of openness and brevity; I want to share a story with you all that I know has permanently damaged me and my ability to commit to long term projects. Yes, I have talked to my therapist about this. No, I haven't seen her in a while, and I can't afford to.

Back in 2018, I went on hiatus. This was because of a job I secured as part of a massive cultural programme where I live, for which I got to produce an art exhibition as a collaboration between artists from here and from Japan. I got the job by recommendation through my then-girlfriend's sister, who later became a manager within the company, and its production was admittedly somewhat fraught. I had to put my personal work entirely on hold, following which I spent a good 4-5 months catching up on a backlog of rewards I owed my patrons. Even then, I wasn't confident that I'd get it done at all, never mind completed to the level of quality that I was hoping for.

That said; it was a huge success at the end of it all, and I even heard that the project was a lot less problematic than others that were being worked on at the same time.

One of the exhibits was a live painting performance by one of the Japanese artists. It was a beautiful show, that resulted in an even more beautiful painting. My dad and I collaborated with her to have it set up just to her liking, and she was grateful enough to gift the canvases to us, as they would be too expensive to ship back.

The day before, I was stood in front of them even as the ink was still drying, talking to my girlfriend's sister - and manager - about it. She said "if she leaves this behind, I have first dibs," which I nervously laughed off. In that moment, sat across the table to this wonderful artist, I was torn in half: immeasurable gratitude on one side, and inconceivable anxiety on the other.

The year of stress and six months of blood, sweat and tears I poured into what still remains my life's greatest creative achievement all came to fruition for that weekend, and left me with an amazing sense of pride and relief.

That lasted less than a week.

My girlfriend's sister came to know about the canvases, and she got so upset that she wouldn't talk to me for months afterwards, causing a rift in the family that made me feel afraid to spend time with them; something they did extremely regularly. She felt unappreciated for the damage control she'd apparently done behind the scenes with upper management, while the exhibition was still in production - especially since I neglected to mention her or her team when I gave the opening speech.

Most anything I've invested more than a couple of hours, across a week or two at most, has been hard to do, and then never been a victory that's lasted long for me. Something has always come up right afterwards that completely takes the wind out of my sails, and prematurely ends my revelry in what I'd achieved. My RSD and negativity bias makes it hard for me to see past that initial shock and disappointment, and by the time I've gotten past that hurt, the afterglow from my achievement has long since faded. This happened again quite recently.

This is a chronic issue I've dealt with for longer than I'd care to admit - the Final Boss of delayed gratification, as it were - and it's genuinely, immeasurably stunted my career path and progress with taking on more ambitious, and frankly, lucrative projects that have lived, gathering dust, in my notebooks and WIP folders for years and years and years.

I appreciate you all for your unending patience and belief in me, but I have to confess that the faith I have in myself that has carried me this far has started to slip rather drastically, in ways that I'm struggling to reconcile with, and work through on a daily basis. I worry about the sheer excess of support from people and connections I've sought out in order to feel like I can stay afloat enough to do my part and follow through; never mind keeping up with what people may expect of me in return.

I'm going to keep fighting as best I can. For right this moment, though, I'm very much at a low point that I'm desperate to look back on someday, hopefully soon, and feel grateful for having overcome.

Even if I genuinely can't yet see the path I'm going to take to get myself there.

Hi friends and supporters.

First of all, I'd like to put out feelers to test a new idea: Yearly Subscriptions! Quick and easy rundown: pay upfront for a year's subscription at the tier you'd like, and get a discount off of it. I've not put any time into sussing out exact numbers, but if you're at all interested, either leave a comment below or contact me via my socials.

At the same time, I wanted to get a quick word out that I have and will be readjusting the tier rewards on my site to better reflect what I can - and have been able to - actually offer in return for your patronage.

The biggest changes to note are that I've dialled back commission discount rates (from 0%, 5%, 12%, 20% to 0%, 3%, 7%, 15%), effective from when I next reopen my queue, and will be giving early access to finished commission work to Tier 2+ patrons, rather than all patrons.

Another rework that'll be made in due time will be to the "YCH slot" reward since my commission queue has already been a struggle to maintain (and which I am working on fixing), but I'm hoping to shift focus off of art made to order, and onto ongoing work that more people can enjoy.

As I gear up towards doing regular, long-form story oriented and comic work again, I similarly intend to offer early access of some kind to it to Tier 2+ patrons. This may change, but the lists of rewards should already reflect this for the sake of clarity.

I know the exclusion of the base tier may disappoint people, but I've had to look very seriously at how sustainable my workflow is, and being entirely blunt, it isn't. As much as I'd love to share my work without such caveats, I need to work within the system and make it worthwhile for me if it's ever going to happen.

Thank you for understanding.

Hi all, thank you for another frankly amazing year full of crazy adventures.

It hit the ground running, following closely from my puppy trip to Germany, and went from strength to strength. It was when I started really exploring my plural and more adventurous sides again that things have really hit its stride; given how things have progressed, I'm very grateful for it.

This has led to where I feel full of ideas I absolutely need to get down on paper, while still struggling to work past personal hangups in order to execute. I'm really excited and hopeful for it, but likewise apprehensive because the pressure on myself to do a good job of it is tremendous.

Your continued support lets me take the time I need in order to commit and do the work in order to achieve my goals. I'm determined to do just that, and share that success with you.

It feels like it's been a long time coming, and I'm eager to see where it'll lead.

Merry Christmas everybody.

Here's the first illustration from the Debauchery Drive!

Looks like whoever gave me that pacifier didn't expect me to do anything, since it was going to do it for me anyway.. I guess we'll see where this leads in the next illustration, too.

Rayna's track is currently at €190 (@ 80% Sissy vs 20% Incontinence), and we got Antoinette's first illustration funded at €250 (@ 60% Hypnosis vs 40% TF)!

And here we go!

These are the "zero-th" illustrations meant just to set the stage, and not anything that folks have donated towards. These offer hints towards what to expect my me's will be subjected to beyond the names of kinks that we started with.

You can also see the current donation progress, and how folks have voted thus far, in case you want to contribute to the one of your choice and steer it in a direction that you prefer! As shown, there are already two parts queued up to be made in Ruby's imageset, which will be coming up next.

Thank you for your contributions and generosity! Please feel free to ask if you have any questions. You can read more about this instalment of the Debauchery Drive in the starting post here.

Parts

Ruby: Part 1, Part 2 (Coming Soon)

Antoinette: Part 1 (Coming Soon)

I'm running an art fundraiser to help stabilize my finances - and the art I'll be making for it was decided by you!

I held a survey about what kinks that folks most associate with me and my art, and I used the most popular aspects to create three different donation reward streams - so you can donate for any or all of the parts you want to see more of!

When you donate, you may include codes in the comment field for the parts you want to assign your money to! The distribution of donations across the various parts will affect the outcome of each illustration; for example: "A," "B2 & C1."

Here's the three donation tracks, with their codes:

A: Ruby - Regression (A1), Diapers (A2) + Wholesome
B: Rayna - Feminization/Sissification (B1), Incontinence (B2) + Reality Alteration
C: Antoinette - Mind Control (C1), Transformation (C2) + Plushies & Toys

For the first stage, the goal is 50 and 100 on the announcement Bsky tweet. Go give it a boost; it's free!

The first stage has been met, and the first illustrations are underway! Stay tuned for updates here and on all my galleries for more.

You can now find the first set of illustrations here!

Hey!

I've been working really hard on a bunch of art I can't share yet because the store I wanted to sell designs based off of it wasn't working great.

The comic speaks for itself, but yeah. I'm trying to avoid leaving myself deadlocked because of a problem that's outside of my control, and the store seems to be behaving well enough now.

If you're curious, check it out. Every purchase helps me out a lot.

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Grab your very own Golden Ticket to the Candy Shop - it's easy!

You can win a free membership (or an extension!) to my site by participating in this fun, simple little contest.

This contest ended with 12 entries and 5 winners; Swavii, Kaycee, Clover, Kitsyna, and Celine! Thank you for participating.

Here's how to join:

1. Browse or search my site's gallery to find a Free post that you like - it doesn't have to be your favourite!
2. Think of one to three things you like the most about that post - get creative with it, but don't go too long!
3. Follow me, and reply to one of the contest posts on Bluesky, FurAffinity, or Inkbunny, including a link to your chosen post from this site, and the reasons why you like it;
4. That's it!

There will be four winners in this contest:

Three entries will be chosen at random, and receive a month of Tier 2 membership - or a month's extension to their existing subscription;

While I will choose my favourite entry to receive three months of Tier 2 membership - or three months free membership added to their existing subscription! (Tier 1 members will be upgraded to Tier 2 for that time)

You can double up on the chances to win the raffle by submitting your entry on Bluesky and retweeting my post! Note that you still need to submit an entry and follow the rules to qualify for the bonus chance.

Contest ends on the 10th of October, end of day PDT, with the winners announced soon after that.

Rules for entry:

1. You must be 18 years or older in order to be eligible for entry.
2. Limit one contest entry per person across all platforms.
3. Limit 200 words per entry - I gotta get through all of them somehow!
4. Entry must be of a Free site post (check the categories at the top of the post's page).
5. Accounts submitting an entry must have been created prior to the start of this contest.
6. You must be following me on the corresponding site of your entry at the time of the drawing.
7. You must create an account on this site to claim a prize.
8. Unpaid memberships do not include commission discounts.

Hi there everyone! With everything being on fire and exploding all the time this year, I decided it was high time I gave my talk about how I navigate around censorship online. I gave this talk at CFz and BFC already, but I'd much prefer it if I shared the insights in the talk with more folks.

This will be happening late Tomorrow, Sunday 21st, and late on Tuesday 23rd, too. You can use those links to convert the time to your timezones, and add the event to your calendar. While I'll be giving them both live, the content will be identical in the two of them, so you should only need to attend one.

Hope to see you there!

Yup! I figured that my best bet for getting the word out and meeting people would be to use my own platform to blast it out there, cause despite talking about it a fair bit on Bluesky, social media is at best an unreliable tool for spreading important news.

I'll also be hosting a panel about maintaining an online presence, which has admittedly grown increasingly more difficult in this day and age.

I hope to see some of you at the event, so let me know if you'll be there!

(Disregard the note at the bottom there, I've been preparing for an upcoming project with some data collection on socials. If you missed out, you should follow me there!)

Most important part upfront: PLEASE keep a keener eye out for and report any weirdness or problems on the site to me if you notice anything unusual. I just got done moving it to a new server and things might've gotten broken in ways I'm not aware of yet, despite thorough, albeit brief, testing.

The past few weeks I've been quietly making preparations to migrate my entire hosting setup onto a fresh new server because the one I was using was set to be decommissioned. Over the past 24 hours or so, I've gotten that done and dusted, and boy howdy was it a scary and frustrating ordeal.

But, here we are!

To be fair, it's a lot less exciting for y'all since, if I've done my job properly, you shouldn't have noticed a single thing (except if you tried to access the server during that time cause it was in maintenance mode but shh).

So yeah; as I mentioned at the start of the post, for the next couple of weeks please be a little more vigilant than usual, and quicker to report any strangeness going on with the site. There may be things I won't have run across since I'm using it in different ways than you all do, but if all went well then you shouldn't see anything amiss.

See you all in the New Year!

Hey!

Jager Darklite needs to secure a baseline monthly amount for his comic series' crowdfunding campaign to make it feasible for him to continue making art full-time, and is currently running a subscription drive. This is due to a sudden change in his situation, which has put a lot of pressure on him both mentally and financially.

Jager is a good friend of mine who makes absolutely stunning art that frankly feels as though it's tailored specifically to my tastes; involving gratuitous amounts of transformation, magic, messing, diapers, and even hypnosis! If you're into what I'm well known for, you're sure to enjoy what he's got.

He's running this campaign until around end of February, by when he'll need to be more self-reliant. He'll be making pages in the meantime to give early pledges something to enjoy until then, but he'll hopefully meet his goal and keep making more well beyond that!

Please do consider supporting another great artist who's already contributed a lot to the community. I know I would wish for the same if I was in his position, and I know y'all appreciate dedicated creators and the art they make for us, too.

If you're unable to afford a monthly subscription, you can share the campaign on socials with the buttons below!