Sometimes, all of the words in the world aren't enough to express feelings in a way that they deserve.

Regular programming will resume soon, with any luck. Until then, thank you all for your continued support.

It's now just a few days till I'm properly back home since I left at the beginning of December. It's been an amazing time.

Our life has truly grown far beyond what I could've hoped for just a few years ago, to the point where I now feel like my art - fantastical and idealised as it is - is what's lagging behind all that we've received, experienced, and learned lately. It's genuinely gotten hard to keep up, and calling ourselves "blessed" is an understatement.

Visiting, living, and being with people who have grown close to us, contributed to, and been a part of this fucking crazy journey we've been on since we've started transitioning has made me ever more and endlessly grateful for what we have. The experiences we shared together were and will always be precious to me.

While giving room for my anxieties about my privilege and good fortune, I must trust that none of those involved would want this to be transactional, and that their appreciation of the time we had together is mutual; still, I feel I owe a great deal now, more than ever.

Importantly, though, what I owe is more fundamental than reciprocating: it's to be as much myself as I can possibly muster.

The biggest issue, which is what I've grappled with the hardest while on this latest trip, has been my apparent fear and apprehension of doing just that. I've grown a lot more gregarious with expressing and acting true to myself in person than I've ever been before, but even so, I've struggled to follow through in a similar way with my art.

That may come as a bit of a surprise given the subjects I've been posting about lately (perhaps not so much given the relative infrequency and simplicity of the art - though that's the anxieties talking again), but it's true. I've been extremely inspired lately on a regular basis with all the life I've been getting to live, but any time I have the opportunity to put that to good use, and channel it into my craft, I recoil. Cower, even.

Sapphire Synonym has been on my mind almost constantly ever since I came up with the concept. But as I've been trying to push through and commit to what has essentially been a lifelong goal of mine, the reluctance and apprehension I've felt about it all have only grown stronger.

I'm scared of it, and I can't explain why; not because I don't know, but because there's so many different reasons that I'm aware of. It would take too long and get me nowhere, and even so, I am painfully aware that a lot of the fears are only perceived, and not real. My perfectionism, fear of failure, aversion to commitment, and impatience on top of all that..

None of it matters if I could just Make. Draw. Create. Write. Share. Do. It's the only fix.

I am aware of the irony of chastising myself for not creating due to being effectively mentally unwell, but the frustration feels justified. My inaction is only prolonging the vicious cycle I feel stuck in, as I continue punishing myself for wanting to be ambitious with the work I ostensibly love to do. The list of ideas grows, with none of the follow-through.

Several people have discussed these issues with me multiple times over this trip to try to help me, but it still feels like I'm no closer to budging on this deep-seated fear of committing fully to creating things the way I so badly want to. I have so much going for me, and I feel very strongly that that should be enough for me to thrive.

While it ought to be as simple as getting to it once I'm back home again, my past struggles with doing just that - after trips which were even more eventful and inspiring than this - make me worry and doubt myself rather severely. While visiting my girlfriend Arwyn, she showed me some of the physical rewards that I used to send out to my patrons way back when, and she'd kept since then. One of the enclosed letters, dated 2017, had me discussing my ongoing insecurities, and with how many issues I described similar to those in this post, it genuinely read as though I may as well have written it today.

I just want to be okay, and find it a little easier to put in the work I need in order to succeed - not materially (although that would be a nice bonus), but at making the things I have the ambition for. I've done it before, and it's the entire reason why I'm on the path that I am today; but I feel like something is wrong, it has been for a while, and I'd very much like for it not to be any more.

Thank you for reading.

My Sissy is moving! This was not planned!

She and our good friends Tower and Ziggy are having to house-hunt and get a lot sorted out in a very short amount of time, and could use the help with the costs of securing a new home.

They have a GoFundMe running here right now - any contributions and shares would be greatly appreciated!

Here's the first illustration from the Debauchery Drive!

Looks like whoever gave me that pacifier didn't expect me to do anything, since it was going to do it for me anyway.. I guess we'll see where this leads in the next illustration, too.

Rayna's track is currently at €190 (@ 80% Sissy vs 20% Incontinence), and we got Antoinette's first illustration funded at €250 (@ 60% Hypnosis vs 40% TF)!

I posted this on Bsky earlier today, but it felt impassioned and significant enough to me to post it here, too.

I'm okay, and this isn't me giving up; quite the contrary. I'm just so very tired of such a pervasive issue having hamstrung me so thoroughly for years now, while doing nothing to facilitate me at any step of the way. It hasn't challenged me to improve my work. It's only ever been a problem - nothing but a hindrance to me.

For months now I've grappled hard with the notion of "making my business work," just so that I can survive and not end up destitute for the heinous crime against Capitalism of wanting to do what makes me happy.

Some who I've spoken to about it, well intentioned as they are, talk about "figuring out what pays," but -

I simply don't fucking want to any more.

I know that I ultimately have to if I want to function in such a garbage, back-asswards system we've been born into, but the rage and frustration I feel every fucking day that numbers get in the way of my lines has me feeling so fucking fed up. It is the way it is, but it sure as fucking hell shouldn't be, and I've had enough of acting like it.

This video encapsulates that feeling really well, and is what inspired me to write this out.

I don't want to care about how many likes I get any more.

I don't want to be beholden to a platform that lets my hard work sink the second people stop sharing it.

I don't want to work downstream to the success of my own fans.

I don't want to worry about the whims of an audience who might not even be for me.

I never did.

I just want to make what comes from my heart.

From the video: ".. the moment the business mind becomes the driver, the art turns into content. And content doesn't change lives.

"It just fills timelines."

Poetry.

Snofu put out feelers for folks who'll do a quick trade with them, and I was quick on the jump cause I've always admired their work and it gave me the chance to do something fun and unusual while I was at it, too.

We gave each other our refs and a simple theme, and while I was torn between two choices, I'm really glad that we went for the same thing.

I'm really pleased with how mine came out, but god damn am I ever astounded by their grasp of anatomy and posing. I'm so goddamn full there, it feels good every time I look at it. They were even kind enough to go back and add my stretch marks in when I asked. Just a couple of copious egg-bearers doing what they do best..

Fun fact: I was wanting to make the post thumbnail half-and-half to include both of our drawings, but I try not to include explicit parts of the artwork in my thumbnails to allow people to opt-in to looking at the full piece.. And there was no way I was cropping their art to show my face on its own.

And here we go!

These are the "zero-th" illustrations meant just to set the stage, and not anything that folks have donated towards. These offer hints towards what to expect my me's will be subjected to beyond the names of kinks that we started with.

You can also see the current donation progress, and how folks have voted thus far, in case you want to contribute to the one of your choice and steer it in a direction that you prefer! As shown, there are already two parts queued up to be made in Ruby's imageset, which will be coming up next.

Thank you for your contributions and generosity! Please feel free to ask if you have any questions. You can read more about this instalment of the Debauchery Drive in the starting post here.

Parts

Ruby: Part 1, Part 2 (Coming Soon)

Antoinette: Part 1 (Coming Soon)

I'm running an art fundraiser to help stabilize my finances - and the art I'll be making for it was decided by you!

I held a survey about what kinks that folks most associate with me and my art, and I used the most popular aspects to create three different donation reward streams - so you can donate for any or all of the parts you want to see more of!

When you donate, you may include codes in the comment field for the parts you want to assign your money to! The distribution of donations across the various parts will affect the outcome of each illustration; for example: "A," "B2 & C1."

Here's the three donation tracks, with their codes:

A: Ruby - Regression (A1), Diapers (A2) + Wholesome
B: Rayna - Feminization/Sissification (B1), Incontinence (B2) + Reality Alteration
C: Antoinette - Mind Control (C1), Transformation (C2) + Plushies & Toys

For the first stage, the goal is 50 and 100 on the announcement Bsky tweet. Go give it a boost; it's free!

The first stage has been met, and the first illustrations are underway! Stay tuned for updates here and on all my galleries for more.

You can now find the first set of illustrations here!

Hey!

I've been working really hard on a bunch of art I can't share yet because the store I wanted to sell designs based off of it wasn't working great.

The comic speaks for itself, but yeah. I'm trying to avoid leaving myself deadlocked because of a problem that's outside of my control, and the store seems to be behaving well enough now.

If you're curious, check it out. Every purchase helps me out a lot.

Today's Quicktober is dedicated to someone who sadly isn't with us any more.

My friend Melody (the bunny) told me that today would have been her girlfriend Robyn's birthday, and due to difficult circumstances, she isn't able to commemorate it as she usually does.

She asked if I could make something for her on this special day, and I was happy to oblige.

Rest in Peace, Robyn.

‎

Grab your very own Golden Ticket to the Candy Shop - it's easy!

You can win a free membership (or an extension!) to my site by participating in this fun, simple little contest.

This contest ended with 12 entries and 5 winners; Swavii, Kaycee, Clover, Kitsyna, and Celine! Thank you for participating.

Here's how to join:

1. Browse or search my site's gallery to find a Free post that you like - it doesn't have to be your favourite!
2. Think of one to three things you like the most about that post - get creative with it, but don't go too long!
3. Follow me, and reply to one of the contest posts on Bluesky, FurAffinity, or Inkbunny, including a link to your chosen post from this site, and the reasons why you like it;
4. That's it!

There will be four winners in this contest:

Three entries will be chosen at random, and receive a month of Tier 2 membership - or a month's extension to their existing subscription;

While I will choose my favourite entry to receive three months of Tier 2 membership - or three months free membership added to their existing subscription! (Tier 1 members will be upgraded to Tier 2 for that time)

You can double up on the chances to win the raffle by submitting your entry on Bluesky and retweeting my post! Note that you still need to submit an entry and follow the rules to qualify for the bonus chance.

Contest ends on the 10th of October, end of day PDT, with the winners announced soon after that.

Rules for entry:

1. You must be 18 years or older in order to be eligible for entry.
2. Limit one contest entry per person across all platforms.
3. Limit 200 words per entry - I gotta get through all of them somehow!
4. Entry must be of a Free site post (check the categories at the top of the post's page).
5. Accounts submitting an entry must have been created prior to the start of this contest.
6. You must be following me on the corresponding site of your entry at the time of the drawing.
7. You must create an account on this site to claim a prize.
8. Unpaid memberships do not include commission discounts.

This was originally posted to my cohost page, days before it was set to read-only, and its sunsetting began. It was uploaded in two parts, mainly to avoid overshadowing the advice and perspective I gave in the latter half, with the history and background I give in the former. This also made it easier to work on while I was dealing with other important things in my life, which I certainly needed at the time.

I've reposted it here as it will be inaccessible from the start of the new year, and I feel it's worth reminding folks about what happened, in case they need another push to take the steps necessary to protect themselves from the dangers I describe below. I left the post untouched from its original upload, blemishes and all, because the mistakes I may have made in the mad scramble I went through between getting suspended from FA to when cohost would start shutting down is an essential part of the piece.

If you'd like to skip to the second part for the more practical advice, click here.

Over 8 years ago, I suddenly found myself left without any foundation online. The admin team of FurAffinity, the only site I'd been actively maintaining my presence on, neglected to address a fatal vulnerability that had been identified prior to the eventual attack, taking the site offline for weeks.

I spent that time migrating as much of my art as possible to as many sites I was permitted to post them to. I then made some artwork to commemorate completing the task, entitled "Omnipresence." I've never looked back.

Since then, I've always maintained at least 8 separate galleries at any given time, replacing them as they either went down, or kicked me off. Today, I'm revisiting that concept in an effort to share my philosophy of being present online, and encourage others to take a page out of it.

This is long, but if you've seen or felt the effects of sites clamping down on friends or your favourite artists, I believe you owe it to them to read it. Please do either way.

Part 1 of 2

On Belonging Nowhere, As a Digital Kink Artist

I've been thinking about writing this for a long time now, mixed in with my crazy little trans artist life's goings-on, so intertwined with the many folks I care about. I've had a lot on my plate, even without the need for sites I called home either dying or turning hostile towards my existence helping to spice up the pot.

I wish I could've have more time to write this, too. Cohost's planned closure simultaneously stoked and set a hard deadline on the need for putting these tangled, clamoring thoughts and feelings out on digital paper. I didn't want to miss the chance to commit them to the most appropriate canvas before it got frozen in time, in anticipation of its untimely end.

This is something I've felt in the air for a long time now, and the changes have been coming ever more rapidly as time passed. Capitalism and tech's rapid "race to the bottom" continues to increase its kill count with no signs of stopping, and we, the misfits and dreamers who've used this platform - the Internet as a whole - to thrive on for so long have always been the main victims of this creeping malaise's unstoppable march.

I'll try (but fail) not to belabor these points for too long, but I feel they're worth revisiting from a more personal perspective to emphasize the effect this has on us as individuals, as part of a community. I don't want to sound like I'm fishing for sympathy, but the fact remains that they did happen, they happened to people like me, and we shouldn't forget that. This is a trend. It will continue.

Tumblr was the first biggest loss during my career. It was and still remains the fastest growth I've ever seen in my active followers on any single platform. If you've paid attention to my exploits beyond the art I make for any amount of time, you'll know that I've struggled to build my follower counts anywhere as quickly as most of my peers, and it's been a source of stress for just as long as it's been a thing. No adult content or "female presenting nipples" allowed was a dangerous standard they set that would continue for a while.

Several of my friends chose to filter their work to remain active on the platform. Maybe I should've done the same.

I caught wind of a so-called "rogue moderator" on Patreon telling another hypno artist that the implied dubcon of their work was not acceptable on the site. Patreon's terms of service had to be reinterpreted in a form of modern sophistry in order to reach such a verdict, but their decision was ultimately what mattered. I took this as a sign, and although I'm certain that many at the time saw my response as an overreaction - effectively pulling teeth to get myself migrated off of Patreon and onto my own website - I was vindicated four years later when several artists got banned, days before their monthly payout.

The morning that I'm writing this, I saw another furry artist get banned off of the platform.

On the eve of an extremely important trip, I opened a tab I had kept with the comments I received on a recent upload to FA, so I would remember to reply to them later. I wrote my thanks to one, hit reply, and the site responded with notice of my suspension. I should have seen it coming, given that others had also been subjected to this months prior, and even though I'd made a conscious choice not to go along with the change in policy, this was still the one that hurt the most. The ruling was frankly questionable at best, and completely undermines the safety of the site as a whole. Ultimately though, their decision is all that matters.

I could continue to post my work while filtering it accordingly, but I refuse to do so within the broader spaces of the community I've contributed to for most of my life. Even if I did, I can't trust that the rule's catchment won't shift again to have me purged in spite of my compliance.

The confluence of feelings that these events - and more besides - have stoked and kept burning in me for years now have mostly become part of the background radiation of my life. This latest one, though, having come quite literally from inside my own home, has left me feeling pained and restless.

With FA's consistent mismanagement, tumblr's policy change, Twitter's loss of competent leadership, cohost's unfair and untimely demise, AI encroaching upon all of our spaces like some malicious grey goo, and FA now taking a page out of other platforms' censorious playbook, it's hard to stay motivated and feel safe online as a kink artist any more. I also think that this is a breaking point though, and we need to do something about it to avoid things getting any worse.

Centralized administration for hosting art clearly doesn't work long-term, especially when operating within a capitalist society. We need to start reclaiming some form of control through shared acts of community however we can, and I think we should do so by rekindling the older ways of the Internet.

To that end, I have an idea. It's a fairly simple and perhaps somewhat ambitious one, and it'll take time and combined effort, both of which I have little of and even less control over, but I believe it will help, even if in some small way.

I didn't want to risk it getting buried under what might come across as one artist's impotent rage in the form of a long-winded rant, so that'll come in a second part as soon as I can make the time to work that out too.

Please share this around. Either way, stay tuned, and thank you for reading.

Part 2 of 2

Embracing Online Nomadism, and Making it Ours

Okay, so the current ways aren't working for us any longer. What now?

We set ourselves up to be present online more safely. Reclaim our spaces in small but significant ways, while protecting ourselves from policy overreach.

If you'll allow a rabbit in her late 30s to reminisce for a while; back in the day, people made websites. Websites made of pages, rather than databases, which worked more like separate little curiosity shoppes, alcoves and holes in the wall. These were meant for individuals, or smaller groups, to show and share their wares and trinkets - not like the massive town centres we frequent and share nowadays, meant for people to congregate within and yell over one another for attention.

As the latter thrived, grew, and gradually took over, the former became harder to maintain. Now those little establishments have long since been shuttered, and mostly gone forgotten.

While the advent of Web 2.0 did bring improvements for site-making across the board, the massive, centrally maintained content sharing platforms that resulted from it have dominated the web and left little room for much else. I believe that site-making platforms like GeoCities and Angelfire losing popularity has left us far too dependent on more shared, social spaces. These now hold and retain all the power in deciding whether we get to exist on the Internet or, as is often the case, not.

Granted, even if these older platforms had remained as prominent, they most likely would still have similarly restrictive and repressive policies as those that many of us are struggling under today. I'm not naïve, I won't pretend like it would be some kind of utopia online if Twitter or Facebook had never come to power.

However, I think there's a lot to be said about and learned from those older ways. We don't need to do things exactly the same way, but the reliance we've built upon other people allowing us to be present online - in places where everybody else usually is, too - was always going to be risky deal. Now, and for a long while already, many of us are paying dearly for it.

How can that help us today?

As I explained in Part 1, I've had a lot of experience with this sort of thing. If I may be self-serving for a moment here, I've spent a lot of my time and effort over the years yelling about these problems, effectively from the sidelines. It's never felt to me like I reached enough ears to make a difference, so I want to compile my idea of how we should move forward from here. Putting it all into one place will hopefully make it more easily be found and shared around.

I will warn that parts of this plan can and will sound daunting, and that's okay; much like moving out from your parents' house, you must learn skills you need to be more independent online. You also don't need to do everything to the letter; this is just my advice; take and leave whichever parts you feel will work for you.

To sum up my principles of existing online, they go something like this. I'll elaborate more on each of them further below.

1st: "Know Your Standing"

Learn about the sites you're on, their policies and attitudes towards who you are, and the things you're about.

2nd: "Hedge Your Bets"

Spread yourself across the Internet as much as you can comfortably manage, to minimize the harm of losing any one platform.

3rd: "Have a Hub of Things"

Centralize your presence online by making a page linking to your other places on the Internet. Link that page everywhere.

4th: "Own Your Own Thing"

Set up your own place, separate to other centrally managed ones, where people can find you and what you want to share.

New 5th: "Connect Yours with Others'"

Build a network of places by exchanging mutual links to each other, so folks can navigate our distributed communities.

First Principle: "Know Your Standing"

This is, as far as I'm concerned, the bare minimum requirement for being online, and might come across as a tad redundant. If what you're about doesn't sit right with the "normies" in some way, you need to keep tabs on if and how you can work with or around the rules of a platform you want to use.

While I'd prefer not to use "othering" as the basis of any rules or principles, there's no denying that society at large threw the first stone long ago. I actually won't belabor the point but if you're reading this, you're likely an outsider, and there's always going to be someone with you on every space online who would prefer that you weren't there.

Doing your research into the sites you use, their reputation with moderating content, their content policies, the vibe towards what you want to do there, is all essential. Don't leave it up to luck, unless you know what you're risking. Your time and energy are precious, and focusing it on the places you can thrive within will pay dividends in the long run.

It's important to note that this is an ongoing task since, as we know very well by now, this can change overnight. Keep yourself informed and up to date on goings on as best you can. Social media can help with this, but if that's not your jam, checking in on your peers from time to time through journal posts and the like is invaluable too.

Second Principle: "Hedge Your Bets"

Nowadays, you owe it to yourself to maintain some level of redundancy online if you keep a presence online, especially if you're a creative type sharing your things here. The best time to get yourself set up on more than one place was yesterday. The second best time is now.

There's no sugarcoating it; you can't afford to put all your stock into and rely on any one place. You put yourself entirely at the mercy of those running it, which can ruin you sometime down the line. The day that your work might get policed, or worse, banned entirely off of the one site you're on, it will be too late to do anything about it.

As an artist, with a tool like PostyBirb being actively and regularly maintained, there is little to stop you from crossposting to various sites any longer. You don't have to be as crazy about it by posting to 8 or more places at once, but a couple of backups in places which will let you post there can, and will prove invaluable.

As a sideline to this, but still worth mentioning; please, please set up some form of offsite backups for original copies of your work. Under NO circumstances should you rely on someone else's website to safely store your only copy of anything you have ever created, because they can and most likely will delete it if they see fit.

Third Principle: "Have a Hub of Things"

Putting things in their appropriate places is a good start, but being in multiple places at once can get a little confusing or difficult for folks to keep track of. You should ideally have a single place you can point people to, so they can pick whatever it is that fits what they're seeking from you; following you on your socials, finding where to commission you, or simply to be on a platform you both use.

There are many ways to go about this, but with Linktree and Carrd now being a thing, it's easier than ever. If you're doing your thing in more than one place for whatever reason, there's no reason not to have one set up.

Then, link it fucking everywhere - I mean it! I've seen so many folks who have a redirect page set up and then don't have it front and center of their every profile. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain by making your hub your homepage, so just. Do it.

Fourth Principle: "Own Your Own Thing"

This is where the big guns come in - making your own space. A website.

Unfortunately, this part proved the hardest for me to write, simply because it is such a daunting thing to ask of folks and there being so many variables to it.

Already having my own website and a background in computer science to help with its maintenance means that I'm rather biased on this subject, but I can still fully appreciate that it can seem like an impossible prospect for most folks. Even I feel a little out of my depth managing my site sometimes, but that's because of the way I chose to set it up.

There are far easier and accessible ways to do this, and a little bit of help is never too far away when you really need it. Tutorials for just about anything exist online, and setting up something basic like a WordPress site is more accessible than ever. There are also plenty of technically minded folks out there who could lend a hand if you reach out to them; while I often have my hands full with all of my things, I've always done what I can to offer advice and help when I'm asked for it.

Since explaining the technical parts of this is far too broad and beyond the scope of this post, I'll instead emphasize the fact that - assuming your hosting provider allows the things you're wanting to share on it - once you're set up and ready to go, you are now your own moderator. I cannot overstate how good this sense of freedom really is.

It does come at the cost of the feeling of connectedness that a centralized platform provides, but having somewhere that you can always go back to - barring any major complications - no matter what policy changes those shared sites decide to enact, is invaluable in this day and age.

Which also brings me neatly to my final point, and a brand new principle.

New Fifth Principle: "Connect Yours with Others'"

One of the things people did when they still made and maintained their own sites was join them together in what were known as Webrings. These were made up of interconnected sites that shared a common theme, so that those interested in one site could more easily find more like them too. They were also apparently connected in a circular fashion, but I feel like this part of the structure isn't an essential feature for our present needs.

This is the "Big Idea" some of you may have seen me teasing in places. I feel like it is the next logical step for bolstering our hopefully increasingly and deliberately nomadic, disparate presences online. We are stronger as a community, and since finding any one place to be together in will continue to be a problem, then we should choose to be nowhere other than everywhere - and make it work for us.

What I propose is that folks with their own niche online, from a little links page to a fully-fledged crowdfunding site, should connect with one another in more meaningful ways.

Exchange links with your friends and peers, set up a section or page on your redirector or website to keep them in, and bolster each other’s disparate presence online. It's a small thing, but I believe it's a great way for us to start reclaiming our agency on the Internet again, together.

I've always tried my best to lead by example and, to this end, my friend Gemma and I have already done this with our two websites! We both have a page dedicated to our online friends now, where our visitors can go to find more of what they seek out from us, or things we might like. My crosslinks page is here, while hers is here, though you'll need to register an account to see it.

If you have a landing page or fully-blown website and would like to connect with me, please let me know! You can reach me through any of my socials via https://the.choco.one/#follow or via email if you prefer, at chocosune.artwork [] gmail. I can't promise that I'll accept every request, but please don't let that stop you either way. Encourage your friends to do the same, and connect with one another too.

So, there you have it. I was admittedly very hesitant to post this second part because it seemed like it may come across as entirely obvious or far too broad-strokes to be of any real use to anybody. However, after the wonderful feedback I got from posting the first one, I realized that a lot of what I now take for granted needs to be said out loud and shared around in order to encourage more folks to get on board.

I genuinely believe that this trend of spaces tightening and growing ever more restrictive to folks like us will only continue, and we aren't likely to find the "perfect website" for us to all agree to move to any time soon.

So, why not make our own, on our own terms?

Thank you once again for reading and I genuinely hope this helps, even if in some small way. If you think you know someone who might benefit from this, please consider sharing it with them.

I hope to see you all on the flip side.